Research, Technology, and Teamwork blog by Susie Wee - All Comments

re: How to talk in groups: Calling all quiet people

guy — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:44:22 GMT

@little genie...

exactly!!

and to think till today,i was the only one like this...

i mean, these past few weeks,i've made a few friends online..and then i was really chatty n stuff..

but yesterday,when we all met<first day of school>...i was so darn quiet!!

and 1 on 1 is fine usually but...

today,i was asked the question most of us hate-->"why r u so quiet?"

and then,the person went on saying she wanted me to talk and tried forcing me to! i was so embarrassed then.

anyone else find this really awkward??

re: How to talk in groups: Calling all quiet people

little genie — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:29:12 GMT

I'm not sure if this 'forum' is still on-going but I just thought that I could add some of my experience too. I hope you understand because my mind's in a mess on what to say first.

I'm typically a quiet person. Especially a large group, I tend to be more reserved because I don't feel comfortable when I'm in the centre of attention. And also, the nervousness I experience clams my mind and I'm afraid what if: what I say doesn't come out right; what if i'm the only one who finds it interesting. And when I feel like people are waiting for my response, my brain would stop working, so i cant' think at all! this is really bad because i feel like a boring person that makes it difficult for another person to talk to me. (Unless I'm really close to that person)

PS: I'm not like that in 1-1, or groups of fours.

In large groups, I also want to talk but my friends are really witty or outspoken in their own ways and it's extremely hard for me to put my two cents without feeling awkward. At times, I can't even think of anything smart to say so I'd just keep quiet and let them do the talking. They seem to have endless interesting things to say. Even if we said the same things, it sounds more witty coming from them.

Actually I've seriously considered this problem. I think it could be the problem of upbringing for me. ie. not allowing the opportunity to hone my spoken/friendly rebuttal skills.

Besides that, I realized that it's also a gender thing. As compared to a group of females, when I'm in a mixed group or as long as guys are present, I'd be even more quiet. I can't understand why either. I constantly push myself to just speak out but i dont' know why my mouth can't speak. As a result I have no friends of the opposite sex.

Actually I have attempted to speak out. But it only works when everyone's serious. when everyone's in a jovial mood, I can't seem to speak out without making it awkward.

I hope you can understand, this topic really troubles me much!

re: From Work-Life Balance to Work-Life Bursts and Work-Life Teams

SW_Fan — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 12:50:05 GMT

Hi Susie though you said you didn’t have an answer on whether work-life balance is achievable, but you have already given out the answer....... So to make a team as an army, you have to be thoughtful and helpful to your teammates like me. :-)

re: From Work-Life Balance to Work-Life Bursts and Work-Life Teams

ewee — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 20:59:27 GMT

another interesting bit on work-life balance, and the maker's schedule vs. the manager's schedule: www.paulgraham.com/makersschedule.html

re: How to talk in groups: Calling all quiet people

Emily Roberts — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 06:41:57 GMT

I know exactly how you all feel. I am extremely introverted and have been all my life. Even when I'm in a one on one conversation with my best friend, I let her do virtually all the talking. All my friends and family, (save for my dad who shares my quiet disposition) insist that I'm far too quiet, and it drives me nuts. I hate big crowds with a lot of noise, and am extremely uncomfortable with anyone I don't know, and as a result, I never say a word. Just the other day my friend took me out to meet three of her new friends, and I tried to join in the conversation for the sake of being sociable, but they never aknowledged my comments, so it made me feel as if I were saying all the wrong things, which made me want to clam up even more. Ordinarily I pride myself on my taciturn disposition, but every once in a while I wish I had the courage to speak up.

re: My newest discovery: Secret Facebook users

tericee — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 20:13:59 GMT

My set of friends that seem -- as a group -- to want to avoid Facebook the most are teachers. Since they think of FB as a high school/college thing, they think of it as being full of their students. Which would leave them zero privacy. So they're not even willing to lurk...

re: Your computer: A platform, an appliance, or a browser?

cheap computers — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:10:59 GMT

I guess they may do a handful of things such as run a word processor, use email, and browse the web. I'm calling this an appliance because it's used in the same way again and again after the initial setup.

re: From Work-Life Balance to Work-Life Bursts and Work-Life Teams

ewee — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 17:19:25 GMT

Thanks for the great post--I completely agree, and I think there are ways to build it into a job or a team.

I know my energy/skills do better at different times. Sometimes I'm better at the detail coffee-drinking slogging through paperwork, sometimes people oriented meetings/calls, and sometimes the crazy up all night brainstorming. There are parts of my job I like less than others (read: paperwork), but it's all part of the package, so scheduling for success works best for me. Unfortunately, sometimes work requires me to work under less than optimal conditions (read: before coffee...). That's life.

Love your posts!

re: From Work-Life Balance to Work-Life Bursts and Work-Life Teams

susie.wee — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:20:14 GMT

Hey Jay Cee! Thanks for noticing my return!

As an employee, the approach is to work towards build a team at work and at home that allows you handle life bursts and work bursts.

Good question as manager, since I didn't address that. As a manager, I would say the approach is to be sensitive, aware, and understanding of life demands, and be encouraging of little acts of teamwork where people help each other out. As a manager, you are responsible for delivering great results on time, so it doesn't mean "take it easy on people at the expense of delivering". But, it does mean create a culture that delivers while respecting life's demands, and doing this by awarding teams that deliver rather than just individuals.

Great to "chat' with you again!

re: From Work-Life Balance to Work-Life Bursts and Work-Life Teams

Jay Cee — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 01:58:26 GMT

Great to 'hear' from you once again. I agree with the observations, but what exactly is the approach. As a manager, do you attempt to schedule the bursts, or do you react to the burst of your team and attempt to even out production according to the shared work load. Do you demand more of those who are not at that moment in a life or work burst? It sounds like load sharing in the machine domain. Can people be scheduled like machines? Or does it turn out to be more ad hoc?

re: Absorbing laterals into a team: Who's the new guy?

susie.wee — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 22:07:40 GMT

Maria- Thank you for your comment. Yes, hanging out after games is important. You don't have to hang around for a long time, but a few minutes here and there can go a long way!

re: Absorbing laterals into a team: Who's the new guy?

Maria — Fri, 15 May 2009 18:20:33 GMT

This was very well put together. It carries across well and applies to many scenarios across the board. I have been on both sides of the spectrum as a new player and a regular. This article would have helped me out back when I started my career 15 years ago in business. As a woman the hanging out for the beer later on was a tough concept as I was usually running home for other family related responsibilities. For all those women starting out as new players, take note - hanging out after the fact with the other players is a crucial component in building relationships and alliances for future growth and career opportunities.

re: Following from in front and Leading from behind

Tina Maalouly — Tue, 05 May 2009 23:00:03 GMT

I love this Susie! I've experienced both following from in front and leading from behind (as well as following from behind and leading from in front LOL). The important thing being --- in any roll it's essential to check that ego at the door regardless of where you fall in line. Knowledge, experience and confidence are earned and learned over time-- respecting others abilities, listening, and team work turns a good leader into a great one!

All the best,

Tina

re: Following from in front and Leading from behind

Harold Shinsato — Mon, 04 May 2009 18:01:43 GMT

Great story, Susie. I've had many experiences of leading in a car and needing to adjust to the pace and situation of the people behind, but the challenge you describe was very illuminating - being a good leader means also being a good follower of the best ideas from your team. I'm fond of the ideas from Jim and Michele McCarthy. Their <a href="http://coreprotocols.org">Core Protocols</a> include a commitment from everyone in the team to be receptive to the best ideas no matter where they come from. A good team will trust that whoever is leading at any time has been the best at this particular commitment, and your story is a little demo of that principle.

re: A cute workshop

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